I Love You Like a New Pair of Shoes

It's 12 am and I've got a cup of coffee, what more does anyone need to be inspired? I just read Bethany's blog "L is for the way you look at me" and it's got me thinking. When we read Plato's Symposium in class we (or at least I) treated it like a search for a needle in a hay stack. It was a challenge to sift through all the beautifully worded definitions of love to find the one that was actually right. It didn't occur to me until tonight (you can blame the coffee or the lack of sleep) that they may all be right. Perhaps each description was of a different kind of love. Maybe in the back of our minds we know that these several types of love can't be represented by one word, so we sift though and try to decide which will be called the "true" definition.

In my French classes these last two semesters, my professors have made sure to teach us not only the French language, but the French culture as well. If I learned anything about the French, it's that when they make a commitment they mean to keep it. For instance, on the French resume (called a CV) you are likely to find only one job listed. They don't jump from job to job trying to find the one that makes them happy like Americans often do. In fact, it looks shady if a prospective employee has two or three previous jobs listed. It makes the job seeker seem restless and unreliable, which kind of makes sense.

The French put a similar level of commitment into their personal relationships. When they develop a friendship it’s meant to last forever. My first semester professor told us about a family he met in France that stays in contact with him more frequently than some of his American friends. Another example would be dating. People don't really "date around" in France. When they date someone it starts off serious (there's no need to sit your boyfriend or girlfriend down to have "the talk").

We (or I, I realize that sometimes it's best to only speak for myself) instinctively want to decided who's got it right. Is American love or French love the "real" definition? In actuality they are two different things that don't cancel out. Just like the definitions provided by Socrates and friends don't cancel each other out. Everyone is just using the same word to describe different emotions, because no other word is available for use. Let's look at real world examples. I love Coldplay. I love shopping. I love chocolate covered anything. All three of the previous statements are true, yet my feelings towards the three items vary greatly. If given the choice between a Hershey's Bar, a trip to the mall, and a Coldplay concert it wouldn't take but a second for me to decide which one I wanted. Using the same word to describe my feelings toward all three objects would seem to suggest that I desire each choice equally. In reality, I have a preference, but the English language gives me no way of sharing that preference with the reader (save adding the word "really" in varying numbers before the word love in each statement, but that's just poor grammar). This is why I say French love and American love don't cancel out. The French simply add a few unstated "reallys" to love when they use it.

This is the point where I make some judgments and decide which way is the best way to approach the word love. In one corner, the French have chosen to use "love" sparingly to convey a deep commitment and affection for another person (either family friend or true love). All other types of relationships are ignored and go without title. In the other corner, Americans chose to use "love" freely to describe various degrees of commitment, affection, admiration, and whatever else. Because of this we feely develop more in between relationships (in between best friend and mere acquaintance) that sometimes have less substance than our other relationships. In my opinion, the French way is the better way. Though it can limit the amount of relationships one develops, it makes those precious few friends worth even more (it's the difference between the best friend you’ve had since high school, and the best friend you've had since kindergarten). Plus, there is something fundamentally wrong with using the same word to describe my feelings toward my boyfriend or husband that I would use to describe my feelings toward a new pair of shoes. :)